Posted: October 31, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Well, of course the boys are headed out to some swell costume party tonight, but for these guys, it’s not just wearing the outfit but totally getting into the part. So… tonight… two adventuresome 19th century inventors. Let’s listen in…


“Your outfit, sirrah! Smashing! I will say again, Master Deere: smashing!”

“Why, thank you, M’sieur Ambrose. And may I extend my congratulations on your own? A hearty job well done!”

“But, Master Deere, what is that curious object in your hand? Not some ordinary walking stick, I suspect!”

“Why no, M’sieur Ambrose. For gentlemen such as ourselves, a mere walking stick will not do! We must be on guard against cutthroats and layabouts and renegades of all manner and sort — and as such, I have developed… this!


“Observe! Inside the hollow, solid oak cylinder cunningly disguised as a walking stick, I have hidden a rapier, with which I may protect myself from the criminal element!”

“Brilliant, sirrah! Brilliant! Functional, yet weighs no more than a feather! I am humbled to be in the presence of such genius! Indeed, I can see the day when such things are seen on the hip of every gentleman across the land! Does it have a name?”

“Ah, a name guaranteed to go into the annals of history. I call it… the light sabre!


Image  —  Posted: October 30, 2014 in Uncategorized

halloween 4

Image  —  Posted: October 29, 2014 in Uncategorized


In our continuing series featuring people with short attention spans and probably even shorter IQs, this week we give you PENNY MORRISON, of… well, somewhere in the Greater Toronto Area (or, as we call it, the GTA). Penny, you see, was very uspset that Rob Ford — yes, that Rob Ford, who never met a crack pipe he didnt like or a Marge Warrior Princess he couldnt run away from fast enough (and knocking down a couple of old ladies in the process) — failed in his brother’s election bid for Mayor… which would have actually meant the two of them, Rob and Douggie, would be tag-teaming as mayor because, after all, who can tell them apart, but I digress…

Rob was running for re-election as Mayor, but decided against it when, to be momentarily kind, he was diagnosed with a somewhat rare yet pervasive cancer. But the thought of the Ford family relinquishing the reins of power and influence was clearly too much for brother Doug, who bravely stepped up to take his brother’s place on the ballot… except that the way they campaigned, it was difficult to ascertain exactly who was running for Mayor. At any rate, Rob/Doug/Whoever lost to John Tory — who, interestingly enough, is a Tory in the political sense.

And Penny Morrison is distraught with a capital OMG.

“It’s like ISIS coming to Toronto!” she said on her instagram account… as though a bunch of professional beheaders could possibly compare to… well, John Tory. But not only that — not only does he represent all possible horrors visiting the Great Grey City, like Isis and Ebola and quite possibly Kanye Kardashian, but John Tory is responsible for her out of control phone bill!.

Never mind that Ford did some pretty lousy things during his stint as mayor, which usually involved reducing services for people in Toronto proper as revenge for the awful things those in the suburbs have had to endure under folks like Mel Lastman. He played fast and loose with property taxes, built a subway line no one needed, and ran around drunkenly groping every woman he could, when he came up for air from his crack bomb.

But that doesnt matter to Penny. She’ll take a drug-denying, ass-grabbing, drunken sot of a mayor over someone she breathlessly describes as a sleeper cell from a terrorist group.

Morrison is hardly unique this day: there are a lot of folks very upset that RobDoug lost, but have no fear, frightened people of the TO suburbs… Rob has already announced he will be running again in 2018.

No doubt his brother will too. After all, if you’re going to defeat IsisEbolaKanyeKardashian, you’ll need everything you can get.

Well, after you’ve made a mess of things, ya gotta get cleaned up…



Image  —  Posted: October 27, 2014 in Uncategorized


Image  —  Posted: October 27, 2014 in Uncategorized