Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

mechanical bull

This weekend, the boys will be participating at Pan Historia’s Harvest Festival and Fair (www.panhistoria.com). There’s a pi-eating contest (nope, not a type), a mechanical bull, a kissing booth, and a myriad of other surprises, so come on down and check it out.

The Scooter!

Posted: October 24, 2014 in Uncategorized

scooter

“C’mon, ya gotta see this!”

“See what! Elliot, why are we going to the — o mon dieu… What is that…”

“Isnt it neat?”

“And why did you… buy this?”

“For little Raymond! For Christmas! It was on sale at Canadian Tire, and I thought, Man, what a perfect gift for our son!”

” — who is only four years old, I might add. Elliot…”

“Oh c’mon, Gilles. He’s gonna love it!”

“That’s what worries me, mon amour.”

“Okay, so he might be a little young for it, but he’ll grow into it! And then we’ll be ready!”

“No.”

“Oh c’mon. Please??? Look, you wanna take it for a spin?”

“What? Est-ce que t’es completement fou?

“Well, sure. It helps to be a little fou now and then. C’mon, just get on it. Just for a moment.”

“Elliot, this is — “

“Now, imagine you’re his age. Now, take it for a spin around the yard.”

“Elliot…”

“You wont fall off. I’ll catch you before you do. C’mon. Look, just press that button there… and… see? Is that not the coolest sounding engine in, like, ever?”

“This is totally — Fine. Where is the clutch? Which is the brake?”

“There. And there. And that’s the gas…. Hey, check you out on your little scooter! Wait! Let me — “

“Elliot, there is not enough room for both of us on this thing!”

“Sure there is! See? Okay, give it the gas. Woo-hoo! I’m flying, Jack! I’m flying!

“Elliot! Sit down! Immediament!

“… Mmm. Okay, I’ll sit down, but I have to sit really close, ya know. Short seat…. Isnt this great?”

“… Oui, I suppose it is.”

“So can we give it to him?”

Non. He is too young.”

“Aw man…”

“But…”

“But what?”

“We arent. Hold on!

Choices

Posted: October 22, 2014 in Uncategorized

bath

“… Hey. You asleep?”

“…”

“I thought as much. C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

“Not yet. Another five minutes.”

“… We’ve been in here for half an hour now.”

“So?”

“Your fingers are getting all wrinkly.”

“So are yours. So what…”

“Well, yes… I guess…”

“… I heard the other day why fingers get all wrinkly in the water.”

“Oh?”

“Makes it easier to grab things when everything’s all wet.”

“Interesting theory. Should we try it out?”

“Hold still… Yep, it works.”

“… Indeed it does.”

“…”

“C’mon, lazy man. Let’s go get dinner started.”

“It hasnt been five minutes yet. Besides, look, there’s only one towel.”

“I guess we’ll have to share it.”

“Here, put your arm there. Much better…”

“C’mon, Doc. We really should get out of this and get some dinner started.”

“Five years from now… when you’re remembering back on this moment… which do you want to remember: sitting in a tub of hot water with me or chopping a bunch of onions?”

“… Okay, five more minutes…”

The Packages of Autumn!

Posted: October 20, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

good mood

“You’re in a singularly good mood today.”

“Why shouldnt I be? The air is crisp; the leaves are too many colours to count; and I have a hot man by my side. Should I ask for anything more?”

“I suppose not, but why today?”

“Why not? C’mon, Doc: it’s autumn — the year’s mid-life crisis, when the world (or at least the northern part of it anyway) wants to get down and par-tay! I mean, look at this! You seen anything this gorgeous before?”

“This time last year.”

“And that, my love, is my point! Unlike things like… oh, I dont know… Mik’s birthday which can come at any time without warning… this only happens once a year, and we should revel in its arrival.”

“And how would you like to do that?”

“With madcap merriment! With good food served to good friends! With presents! Why, I should give you a present right now! A great big package! One that you can unwrap in anticipation of the joy to come!”

“I”m down with that.”

“We’ll start a tradition! Hallmark will love us! And what would milord desire from his humble companion in waiting? All he needs do is ask, and the deed is done!”

“Oh, I know what I want.”

“What?”

“Just lean against this tree… like so. Good. Now stand there for a moment, right there on those leaves. That’s it. Now, if you’ll just let me…”

“… Uhm, Doc? What’re you — “

“Shut up, Ray. I have a package to unwrap…”

MOTW

As part of the new DnR, we’re instituting a new series called “Moron of the Week”, in which we will shake our heads in bewilderment at a WTF moment in the news. This particular week, being so close to an election in the US, is of course replete to overflowing, but one truly stands out. So without further adieu, the first Moron of the Week Prize goes to:

THE ENTIRE CONGREGATION OF BEREAN BAPTIST CHURCH IN WINSTON-SALEM, NORTH CAROLINA! Congratulations! And what did they do to merit this honour, you ask?

They have a “preacher” there — and I use the term ever so loosely — who said, amoung other things, that Ebola is God’s punishment for gay marriage. Now, sure, nothing new there, right? “Men of God” have claimed this inside skinny for decades, ever since AIDS was God’s punishment for something and then Katrina was God’s punishment for something else and then… well, you get the idea, right? He was pretty choice about it too. According to a news report:

Baity spoke of hearing an official bless a gay marriage, something he claimed was a direct violation of the Bible.

“If you think for one skinny minute, God is going to stand idly by and allow this to go forward without repercussions, you better back up and rethink this situation,” Baity said in remarks transcribed by Raw Story. “I want you to understand, that is raw, pure blasphemy.”

Now, we here in Canada of course know better. If God punished us for gay marriage (which was made legal over a decade ago), it seems He did by inflicting Stephen Harper on us… but that’s more a penance than a punishment, when you think about it. Aside from that, He seems to think completely otherwise about the Great White North: clean air, clean water, lots of gorgeous land… oh, and gay marriage as well. Hmm…

So why’re Baity and his ilk up to this? Hey, mansions dont come cheap, ya know. Nor do the buildings needed for super-size-me churches… not to mention all that expensive TV production and the necessary private jets and… well, again, you get the idea. Face it: Elmer Gantry was an amateur compared to these guys.

As such, here’s to the congregation of Berean Baptist Church, which is collectively apparently too stupid to know when their wallets are being filched “in the name of the Holy Spirit” by someone who figured out a long time ago that people love love love having their worst fears confirmed.

This way to see the amazing egress, folks! You’ll never see anything like it again!

You got someone to nominate for Moron of the Week? Let me know in the comments below.

Anatomically Correct! (4)

Posted: October 19, 2014 in Uncategorized

correct4

Anatomically Correct! (3)

Posted: October 18, 2014 in Uncategorized

correct 3