Archive for June 11, 2013

Vlad! the Impaler!

Posted: June 11, 2013 in Uncategorized
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A brief diversion from the current storyline.


Air Rouge! (11)

Posted: June 11, 2013 in Uncategorized

“I bet you thought I wouldnt do it, didnt you!” Doc laughed as he ran down the steps. “Hah! Never try to tell a karaoke queen not to sing!”

Grinning, Tom loosely held his arms around Paul. “Not bad, not bad at all. Little heavy on the vibrato and certainly far showier than I’d ever do!”

“This from a man with a flaming red car!”

“Hey! I didnt choose the colour!”

“Sure you didnt,” Paul laughed. “Okay, who’s up for another drink?”

“Lead on, MacDuff!”

The three made their way past grizzled cowboys and ER technicians and countless generic policemen (“We’re seeing way too many of them these days,” said Tom as they passed two who seemed intent on dusting anything and everything for fingerprints.). At the bar, the stool once occupied by the woman named Jane now bore a blond belly dancer accompanied by two men in Air Force uniform, both of whom kept a watchful, possessive eye on the other.

“These three, nothing but trouble,” Sam said with a roll of his eyes. “This is what happens when the network tries to pass off one character as another. Never works. Never.”

Three girls in dresses whose skirts were supported by an outrageous assortment of petticoats flitted up to the bar. “Hi, Sam!” they said, almost in unison.

“Ladies,” he grinned in response. “Where’s Kate?”

“She’s on a date!

“He’s a Captain!”

“With his own boat!”

“Oh? And where did they do on this date that they couldnt find entertainment here?”

“Oh, he took her on a cruise around the bay. But they should be back in a few hours.”

“Did you see his first mate?” one of the three giggled.

“Omigod he is so hot!

“Wait,” Doc said. “Short guy? Striped shirt? White bucket hat?”

The three girls nodded with a delighted sigh.

“I probably should mention,” Tom whispered, “that they’re trying to get a re-boot, so he’s been working out. A lot. I mean, a lot, since that seems necessary for any show these days that wants to cut it with the 18-to-34 demographic. You wouldnt recognize either of them now.”


“Yessir,” Tom continued, “gotta stay abreast of the times. People may remember the old shows, but they dont want to really see them that way anymore. Or at least that’s what we’re told. Now, it’s all about marketing and positioning. And it’s kinda sad when you see what’s getting dumped here now. Characters now… they’re just not happy, I guess is the best way to put it. Angry cops, angry politicians, everyone’s so angry all the time. That’s why I’m glad no one’s bothered to give me a second conceptual shot… well, with one exception, of course,” he laughed as he kissed Paul on the head.

What’s going on?” The crowd parted as the man from FEMA stormed into sight. “What are you doing?

“Huh? Having a drink. Join us?”

You can’t — !” Chris looked red enough to explode on touch. “What did I tell you? You’re TV! He’s movie! Forget about it, right now!”

“But,” Paul said quietly, “I was kinda hoping you’d let me stay here.”


“I dont want to go back.”

“Tough. That’s where you were written.”

“Now wait,” Tom said as he put a possessive arm around Paul. “We had characters from Dynasty show up in Flamingo Road. Why — ”

“Because he’s movie, you big idiot! It’s too dangerous! You’ve seen what happens when TV characters try to cut it in the movie world. It’s even worse when movie people try to come down to this level! Do I really need to remind you about the Oz Kids? They’re still in therapy! And on our dime! No!”

“But I dont want to leave!” Paul said defiantly. “I love him!”

“Love? How long have you two known each other?”

“Longer than a second commercial break!”

“I dont care! No!” His cel phone rang, a midi version of the theme from Night Court. “Yes!… What? No, there’s no room here for — No!” With a near scream, he shut down the phone and ran for the stage. “People! People! Listen up!” The crowd silenced almost immediately. “I need all of you to get back to your camps right now!”

“Why?” someone in the crowd shouted.

Because they’re rebooting V!

The panic was instantaneous, and Doc was suddenly thrown hard against the bar, with Tom sheltering both him and Paul from the rampage. “Okay, we gotta get to my car. I know a safe place.” He grabbed both of them with a firm hand and tore through the pandemonium. There was a sudden loud groaning noise, and Doc looked up to see a gigantic alien craft, now slowly descending on the partygrounds. There was a bellowing sound of metal grinding against metal, and Doc lost his grip on Tom’s hand. Frantic, he watched them disappear in the frantic mass of people. “Hey! Wait up!” he shouted, running as fast as he could after them. Behind him, he could hear the sound of gigantic locks opening, and a sudden hot brush of wind knocked him to the ground, followed by an intense white light, so bright it threatened to wipe out any hope of darkness, flooding everything with —

Excuse me, sir?


Doc’s eyes fluttered open as his copy of Entertainment Weekly fell to the carpet. The steward professionally smiled at him. “We’re going to be landing in just a few minutes.”